


The Reflection of Your Love

by koi_ling



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, M/M, Ravenclaw!2Seung at their best, and Seungyoon being very blind about his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koi_ling/pseuds/koi_ling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seungyoon and Seunghoon have been friends since their first year in Hogwarts, but something has changed lately and Seungyoon doesn't understand why he's always so angry when he sees Seunghoon and his girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reflection of Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> Originally for ChocolateWinBox, you can also find the fic [here](http://chocolatewinbox.livejournal.com/1078.html). I barely edited few words while posting here.

Seungyoon is trying to focus on the Transfiguration class as much as he can. He has placed everything in order, just the way he likes: the book on the left side, its cover perfectly aligned with the edge of the small desk, his wand on the right, a parallel stark line against the light wood; and yet this is not enough to make him cool down. 

Seungyoon doesn’t understand. 

He taps his skinny fingers on the book, then slides his fingertips up and down, listlessly following the intricate and convoluted pattern of its cover, and yet he is not able to find the quiet he’s seeking. 

He’s never been like this, not ever in his life. He always has the promptness to not lose his head, to stay calm even in the worst moments. Not once he has felt such a rush of anger and nervousness and anxiety inside him: not that time he forgot his quill for the O.W.L.s, or the time they were caught red-handed in the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night, trying to snatch some Thestral excrements for a prohibited potion (that costed them a hundred points and two weeks of detention, but damn if it was worthy).

The professor tells the class to start trying transfiguring themselves like she explained and Seungyoon snaps out of his thoughts to realize he has listened to nothing in the last fifteen minutes and he doesn’t know what to do.

This is a first too. 

He sighs and picks his wand, hoping his innate talent will be enough in a moment like this. He tries to push all the feelings rumbling inside him in the smallest, farthest corner of his mind, willing to focus and let go of those emotions to find the blank secure peace within himself.

But then the bubble of precarious attention cracks. Because he hears _them_ chuckling, two desks behind him, and maybe someone else wouldn’t mind, wouldn’t even notice, but Seungyoon knows Seunghoon’s stifled laugh by heart, the way he would muffle it against his fist and how his eyes would betray the playfulness behind it, and how it would always make you laugh along.

 

 

They haven’t talked to each other for a week. And Seungyoon doesn’t exactly understand what is happening to him, but he’s pretty sure it all started the moment he entered their shared room and he saw _the girl_ sitting on Seunghoon’s lap, kissing him rather fervently.

Seungyoon doesn’t understand the tumult in his chest, or why _this_ is affecting him so much. It’s not the first time Seunghoon has a girlfriend – although most of them were just one night stands –, and it’s not the first time Seungyoon sees him leaving his side to hurry up and catch up with the girl he’s seeing now, his lanky body bending to side-hug her and smiles brightening up his face accordingly.

It is not the first time, even if he never caught him in the act before. 

All he has seen until now were signs of it. A hickey here, messed hair and clothes, a foreign scent lingering in the room, or Seunghoon’s smile getting wider after the deed. Nothing that was enough to make it real, not more than Seungyoon needed to know. 

Seungyoon didn’t mind it at all, living by his favourite motto of _“live and let live”_ , especially when Seunghoon is involved. It’s a rule between the two of them, one Seungyoon would never break (not that he’d ever break any rule if it wasn’t for Seunghoon).

And yet he couldn’t quite place the feel in his guts, sinking slowly but inexorably as he rushed outside their dormitory and to the common room, his steps dangerously fast down the staircase. He can’t explain what is that burn right in the middle of his chest, aching in a way it never had, and the energy gushing within him as he can’t stop thinking about Seunghoon’s arms embracing the girl just perfectly, and his lips curling in a smile just against her kiss.

Seungyoon doesn’t understand. And for a Ravenclaw like him, this is a first.

 

 

After Transfiguration there is lunch break. Usually it’s a breath of air for Seungyoon: after four hours of classes there is no better way to recharge a little than sit next to Seunghoon and make fun of their day or just chitchat while eating side by side, their elbows touching as they laugh the tiredness away. 

But now that he openly avoids Seunghoon and they haven’t spoken for seven long days, he can’t just expect everything will be back to normal. 

Seunghoon doesn’t seem to mind, anyway. He sits with the girl – her name is Seungwan and she has the brightest smile Seungyoon has ever seen – and talks in her ear, his hand running along her hair in sweet caresses, and Seungyoon wonders how he ended up being the bitter half of their once inseparable duo – _the 2seung brothers, up to no good_ – when he has no true reason to be like this.

He sits between two boys of the fifth year and tries to cheer himself up with his favourite serving. He fills his plat and nudges the smashed potatoes with his fork, his mind playing him tricks as he remembers Seunghoon teasing him about how he should eat more meat to gain a little weight. 

“You skinny-to-the-bone nerd”, he’d say, before adding some stew to his plat. Not that he’s much bulkier than Seungyoon, to be honest.

Seungyoon sighs without even noticing and lifts his eyes to look at them – at him, really – and at the way his lips crack in a smile and his eyes narrow in two happy lines. 

Seungyoon wants him back. He’s not sure about anything right now, not of how he feels or why his insides twist when he sees the same smile Seunghoon gave him directed to someone else, but he’s sure of that. 

They’ve always been together, seven years out of seven. Seungyoon has to fix this, no matter what. 

 

 

Seunghoon has entered Seungyoon’s life the 1st of September. 

Seungyoon wasn’t sure of what to do with himself. His mom had waved at him from the quay, holding back the tears, and Seungyoon had tried to be strong like he had promised himself, smiling at her from the cabin. But the courage to show himself independent and confident had deflated as soon as he had lost sight of her, and he had crawled back to his seat feeling unsure of what was going to expect him.

Right when he was starting wondering why the cabin was still empty, a guy way too tall for his age entered the compartment, bringing his trunk along with a noisy owl and a toothy grin. A silver flame of braces flashed in his mouth, but that wasn’t enough to stop him from smiling. 

“I’m Lee Seunghoon, nice to meet you”, his words bouncing in the compartment with tangible self-assurance. 

He sounded like a kid with no problems, the popular one who is loved by everyone, or the type who would simply not care about any sort of judgement, going on with his life like it didn’t matter. 

So cool, and so different from Seungyoon. All the confidence Seungyoon had was in his grades and his brain, but certainly not in being liked by anyone or not minding people’s opinion.

“I’m Kang Seungyoon”, the first honest smile of the day plastered on his face.

 

 

They say opposites attract each other, and that was the only way Seungyoon could explain how he ended up being friend with Lee Seunghoon. 

Seungyoon wasn’t Seunghoon, the charmer of the crowd. He wasn’t the type to throw cunning lines to his classmates, start fights with arrogant Gryffindors or simply do anything outside the norm. He called himself ‘boring’ out of habit for always being the most mature, the nagger and studious kid who was not so secretly despised by everyone for being such a pain in the ass.

Maybe it all started between the day spent on the train with Seunghoon telling him stories of his summer vacations, sharing sticky candies and nervous smiles as they got closer to Hogwarts, and being sorted in the same house. They sat next to each other at dinner and shared the same room along with other three boys, and it was bound to happen like many other things. 

Or maybe it was that Seungyoon had always wanted someone to laugh and have fun with, but he never expressed it properly or asked anyone to be his friend, so that he had always been alone. Seunghoon didn’t need that: he was quick enough to catch what was going on, and Seungyoon was pretty sure he knew what he was doing right from the start. 

So it had happened, despite Seungyoon trying to fight it at first. He considered Seunghoon an incredible blaring nuisance (he didn’t _envy_ his way with people, for sure), but he would always come back to tease him to the point Seungyoon wasn’t able to ignore him and just replied back. 

He didn’t know how to explain why Seunghoon’s words got right under his skin, but he wasn’t able to hold back, and somehow the official start of their new friendship had been blessed by a fight in a hallway on the second floor. 

It was the first time Seungyoon got a punishment, and also the first time he couldn’t stop laughing about something as silly and brute as a fight. His knuckles still hurt, his bottom lip was broken, and his robes were tore apart on its left sleeve, but damn if he felt alive.

Seunghoon trying to stifle his laughs by his side just completed that perfect scene. 

 

 

Everything was funnier with Seunghoon, was a lesson about how to levitate objects or turn matches into needles, or even the most boring History of Magic. With him time flew away in hushed laughs and silly plans written on the back of old parchment. 

Somehow they managed to get excellent grades, like anyone would expect from Ravenclaws, but have fun all the same. It was really impossible to keep Seunghoon away from trouble, with the sharp tongue and keen eye he had, and the fact he was a little cunning bastard, but Seungyoon didn’t really try. He went along with all the tease and all the games Seunghoon would offer, and just laugh about it, even when the professors asked him to keep an eye on his friend.

Maybe that was why they selected him as Prefect and not Seunghoon. They both had excellent grades, but that didn’t directly affect the final choice, especially for Ravenclaw house. Seungyoon had noticed the pattern of picking someone who was righteous and responsible, or that at least tried to do his best with that role.

Seungyoon had changed a lot in the course of the years, though. He was still the kid who others might hate for his sticking to principles, but he had been softened and levelled by Seunghoon the whole time, in a way it made him less stubborn and more understanding of other people’s needs. 

The Ravenclaw in him knew that maybe he should stop playing around with Seunghoon, now that he was a Prefect, but all he could do was send him a mild reproaching smile before following him in another of his adventures. 

There was no way he could tame him; was as a friend or as a Prefect of his house. 

But Seungyoon was also the only one who knew how Seunghoon would act when they were left alone and all the antics he had would come apart. It wasn’t easy to catch him off guard, and Seungyoon could almost bet that it was Seunghoon letting him see that other side of himself.

You could always count on him for saying the weirdest things when they were alone, and being sulkier than anyone could imagine in his constant search for a piece of honesty. He mulled over life and its meaning way more than anyone could imagine, and questioned himself and what he had around with a precision that was somehow defeating. 

Maybe that made him a Ravenclaw more than anything else, after all.

The night was the best moment for sincerity, something that came hard to the both of them, something that was difficult to show with words more than with simple facts, but Seungyoon loved it all the same when they spent quality time in their secret place and just talked about anything – worries about their future, plans for the next day, crushes, dreams, fears. 

Their place was perfect: the Astronomy tower, the nights no one would use it. The air was chill even in the summer but it was the right spot to look at the stars and wonder about life and trace stories in the firmament.

 

 

“So, I got a girl for tonight”, Seunghoon was combing his hair at the only mirror in the room, and Seungyoon couldn’t hold back the loud squeal at the surprising news. 

“So you won the bet”, he said, now looking at Seunghoon with new eyes. For sure he wasn’t the same Seunghoon he had known all along: this one looked so fine in the black Muggle clothes for the Halloween party, and it had been a while since he had grown to look rather handsome. For a moment, Seungyoon missed the silver braces and his black bob cut – he had bleached his hair of ash blonde, this year – and the way he looked when he had met him on the train for Hogwarts.

Seunghoon’s reflection was looking at him from the mirror. “The bet? What bet?”

“Come on…” Seungyoon teased him, “the bet every friend secretly have”. 

Honestly, Seungyoon was envious of Seunghoon, but he could not exactly say why. Seungyoon had a cheesy, romantic side that could probably make every girl swoon, but that degree of honesty was only for the nights they would spend on the Astronomy tower, when Seunghoon would laugh at him for being impossibly cheeky, and not for anyone else. He wasn’t as cool and charismatic as Seunghoon, so he could not wish to win that kind of game. 

“The one… you know… it’s natural between boys, being competitive and all, it’s normal that the winner is who gets a girl first”.

Seunghoon turned to look at him, then, his hands falling by his sides as he studied him silently. His mouth was a taut line and his eyes were narrower than usual, investigating. Seungyoon wasn’t really sure of how to read him in moments like these, he was too undecipherable, even for him.

“So what would you do?”, when Seungyoon didn’t show any sign of understanding, Seunghoon added: “you lost the bet, you must do something for me”.

Seungyoon couldn’t get if he was serious or not, because Seunghoon had such a poker face that he could say the silliest things while looking serious as hell, and this time his face was a mask of dark intentions. Seungyoon could almost bet he was teasing him once more, like he always loved to do, but something was off. 

“What do you mean?”, Seungyoon’s voice sounded too weak after such a long silence, and he couldn’t hold his stare, unsure of what he wanted from him. But even more, he was uncomfortably aware of the unspoken tension between them, in a way his chest clenched painfully.

Seunghoon just scoffed, shrugging his shoulders. “Oh, please, _Seungyoonie_ ”, he chanted his name, giggling this time, “of course I want you to agree to the plan of putting Firewhisky in the non-alcoholic punch the school give us every sacrosanct year”.

“Merlin’s beard… you can’t be serious, the professors are supervising and I’m a bloody Prefect”.

“We are not eleven anymore, Seungyoon”, he said, going back to the reflection on the mirror, tousling his hair just a little more so that they would perfectly styled. “We have to step our game up or those boisterous Gryffindor will have all the fun without us”.

“Sometimes I ask myself how you ended up in Ravenclaw”, Seungyoon sighed, naturally relaxing as the sudden tension between them dissolved in another joke. Maybe he could sneakily drop half the bottle of Firewhisky without being spotted, if Seunghoon distracted Professor Flitwick from the beverage table, and everything would work out just fine.

“The wits”.

 

 

The night is pretty chill for being only early October, but Seungyoon can’t wait to reach the rooftop and tragically scream his frustration to the moon.

His steps resound in the spiral staircase, but Seungyoon doesn’t mind. Even if he might be caught by Mrs Norris, he marches with a newfound exertion that only reflects the anger boiling inside him. He would laugh at himself if he could, because he feels exactly like the cauldron of Kim Jinwoo, one of his Hufflepuff classmates for Potion, always ready to burst at the smallest ingredient addition. 

Luckily there is no wind to welcome him, but only a starry night of those that would take his breath away, if it wasn’t already short for all the bottled-up fury threatening to eat him from inside.

This is _their_ place. The place that has seen so many things, so many moments of dorkiness, in winter when Seunghoon would light a fire for keeping them warm, and yet that wasn’t enough to endure the cold; or in spring when they could actually stay outside for half an hour, and even more when it got warm, when they would wait for the sun to rise. 

There were many moments of silence, and many of laughter. 

Even when they fought everything would be solved once they reached this place; and when they were unsure of how to calm down the natural animosity, they would just find each other here with no notice, like they just knew it was stupid to carry on with that farce. 

There was no room for division, between them. No way something would break them apart. 

_No one but themselves could do that._

Seungyoon wants to vent his anger with a scream, but nothing will come to his mouth. He wiggles and bounces around, unable to stay still, and yet that’s merely enough. His heart aches for all the words he is unable to say, his breath is stuck in his throat, and the dissatisfaction wraps its hands around his neck, suffocating every spike of anger in dull sadness.

Somewhere deep within his soul, Seungyoon is waiting for Seunghoon to reach him here. He always magically knows when he’s here alone, mulling over something that eats his sanity, and somehow every time he brings his seamless capacity of teasing him, ready to make Seungyoon crack a smile.

It won’t be too surprising for him to show up now, now that they haven’t talked for a week and Seungyoon needs him more than ever, now that Seungyoon wants everything to go back to what they had before, and yet somehow there is something bugging him to the point he doesn’t believe that could happen. 

Maybe all of this hasn’t affected Seunghoon so much, but Seungyoon can usually see through him enough to know that he really cares for him, or he wouldn’t let him be so close, or show him sides no one knows about. Seunghoon is like a fiery beast that hides all his weakness behind his shining dreadful exterior, and only Seungyoon knows what there is under all the layers of fur and bone.

So Seungyoon knows – _wants to believe_ – that, even if Seunghoon looks like he is having the time of his life with Seungwan, a part of him is actually missing his friend. 

Seungyoon hopes he does.

 

 

It gets colder, and the stars shine brighter. The cold of the night seeps through Seungyoon’s clothes, but even if his body shakes, his mind is lost in a maze of memories. 

 

 

The 2seung brothers have so many stories to tell, and yet there is a recurrent one that haunts Seungyoon till he can’t ignore it. It’s been so long since the last time he even thought about it, he can’t help the smile when he remembers. 

They once found a mirror – it had to be their third year, because he clearly recalls the excitement of going to Hogsmeade for the first time, and Seunghoon managing to get a Butterbeer in the span of an hour. It was sweet and creamy but too strong for them, yet they couldn’t admit that at loud so they finished the pint while squinting and sticking their tongue to the cold, trying to erase the bitter aftertaste. 

After that, they were too high with Butterbeer and bravado to show up for dinner so, instead of going to the Great Hall, they took the stairs to the Ravenclaw tower. It wasn’t too surprising that they got lost in the way, the alcohol working its magic once more.

“I was pretty sure we had to turn right”.

“Shush, it was left for sure”.

“I think you bluff about knowing half the things you say”.

“Maybe”.

Seungyoon couldn’t believe he was still following him around. 

“I think we are bloody lost”, Seungyoon admitted after a while, noticing how everything looked rather unfamiliar in this side of the castle. 

“Let’s enter that class and check on what wing we are in”, and when the door didn’t budge, Seunghoon just tapped the knob with his wand whispering _Alohomora_. The door clicked open and they stepped inside the disused classroom.

They stopped walking when they saw what was occupying the centre of the room. A huge mirror, framed in gold, with clawed feet and an inscription along its border saying: _Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_. Seungyoon naturally gravitated toward that odd item, while Seunghoon preferred to check out of the big window. 

Inching closer rather slowly, Seungyoon almost jumped backward when he saw his reflection in the mirror: he was there, sporting the same black robe and a pink plaster on his left cheek, but he was not alone. Seunghoon was there too, his hand resting on his hip, a smile on his face. The Seungyoon in the mirror beamed at him, maybe for a joke Seungyoon couldn’t hear.

He was pretty sure he wasn’t so drunk to see things that weren’t there and, to further prove he was right, Seunghoon was still propped on a chair, totally clueless of what was going on, looking outside the window with his hands on the sill.

“Seunghoon… there is something weird going on here”.

“I can see the lake from here, we must be on the right wing, but wrong hallway. This can’t be the fifth floor”, Seunghoon said, ignoring him.

“Hey, come here”. Finally Seunghoon got off the chair, taking few steps toward him, but still not enough to look at what Seungyoon was seeing. Seungyoon waved his hand to call him to his side. “Tell me what you see… when I looked the mirror showed you and me, but you were right there, at the window, and it doesn’t make sense at all”. 

Seunghoon studied the mirror once more, his eyes flicking on the letters carved in the golden frame, which were completely slighted by Seungyoon because the only thing he could look at was Seunghoon. 

Seunghoon glanced at him quickly, feeling the weight of his stare, and bit bottom lip to hold back a comment, maybe unsure if he wanted to tease or pity him for that absurd story. Seungyoon grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, so that the mirror was right in front of him.

“Look”.

Seungyoon took some steps back, so that it was out of range, wondering if the reflection would be the same for him or not. How the mirror could work? Did it show your best friend? Or maybe the person you were close with? Did it help you find who was a real friend that would stick with you for a very long time? 

Seungyoon wished that was the case. He couldn’t imagine a life without Seunghoon.

“I… I only see myself”, his voice wavered for a moment, but then he turned to look at Seungyoon with his most confident smile. “It must be the alcohol messing with your mind. Stick with me, or you won’t be able to find the way… and even if you might reach our tower, I don’t think you would be able to give the right answer at the moment”.

Seungyoon scoffed at him, but didn’t complain when Seunghoon headed to the door. With one last questioning look at the mirror, he left the room.

 

 

It took months of research for Seungyoon to find what that mirror was. At first he had tried to go back to that classroom, but it had been impossible for him to find the way. The library hadn’t failed him, though, as expected.

He read and reread the few paragraphs talking about the Mirror of Erised, an ancient artefact that showed what you wanted the most in the entire world, his finger tracing every line to be sure he wasn’t missing anything. It didn’t matter if he had memorized the whole thing already. 

_“It shows the deepest desire of the person in front of the mirror”._

Seungyoon guessed it all made sense: Seunghoon had lied, probably embarrassed by his own wish, thinking he wouldn’t notice the change in his voice; and Seungyoon had seen the two of them because all he wanted was being Seunghoon’s friend for a very long time. He was the happiest when he was with him, like he had never been before.

But then again, if his friendship was what he truly wanted, he had it already. The Ravenclaw in him kept telling him that such explanation was simply a paradox: the happiest man on earth should only see his reflection in that mirror.

Seungyoon had to set the logic aside, for the first time in his life, and ignore the voice in his mind telling him that there must be another reason. 

 

 

It takes just one moment of lucidity – one moment of honesty, while Seungyoon rushes down the staircase, his bones soaked in damp cold for the hours spent on the rooftop – for Seungyoon to understand the truth living behind the lie he told himself. 

He doesn’t want Seunghoon just as his best friend for the rest of his life. He never did. He just believed what was most comfortable for him, lulled by a lie that would keep their relationship safe. 

He has been blind the whole time – and like in that Muggle book he had read one summer, the one including a witty and lively lady and an irritable yet shy and reserved man, Seungyoon is taken aback by the shocking truth, just like it happened to the protagonist when she found she made a mistake from the very start. 

Like her, Seungyoon can’t bring himself to go back to his dorm at first. He wanders for the castle until it’s dawn, needing time to understand the capacity of such revelation. 

It’s always been obvious, so much that he fears Seunghoon must have known all along. A tiny part of himself wishes he’s not as perceptive as Seungyoon knows he is. 

For the first time in his life, Seungyoon feels stupid. 

 

 

While the students go to breakfast in the Great Hall, Seungyoon sneaks to the Ravenclaw tower. He feels sick and that’s probably the result of staying in the cold for hours, helplessly waiting for Seunghoon, and partially depends on the fact that love is making him feel nauseous.

He doesn’t even change into his pyjama, but puts himself to bed still dressed. He seeks for a warmth the blanket can’t give, uncontrollably shivering from the cold in his bones. 

Seungyoon can’t believe he caught a cold just like this, for being stupid. It gets worse with time, he must be careful or the next thing that’ll happen is him confessing the truth to Seunghoon while being feverish. 

_Shit_ , that can’t really happen.

Seungyoon willingly ignores the small voice telling him it’s time for Charms classes and covers his head with the blanket, hoping he’ll feel well after some hours of sleep, or better, he’ll suffocate for lack of air and carry that secret to the grave. 

 

 

Seungyoon isn’t sure whether he dozes off every five minutes or he’s been awake all the time, with his eyes open and his body limp, unable to even move a toe. His head pounds in pain and every cell of his body is burning with an intensity that leave him breathless, his consciousness fading for whole moments as he tries to understand what’s the need at the base of his throat.

His lips are dry and his voice is hoarse when he mutters “water”. He knows he’s helpless, no one is around to hear him squeak his need for liquids, and all he can do is let himself die on the bed that has welcomed him for seven years.

Seungyoon can bets it’s just a dream when he sees a shadow with the corner of his eye. The words he says are too far away for Seungyoon to understand their meaning, but the hand tilting his head upward is way realer. 

Seungyoon doesn’t even put up a fight. He’s too lifeless. He just lets the shadow help him, and bless him internally for the water now barely wetting his lips. Seungyoon would love to drink more, but it’s hard, and he just falls back into a blank state of oblivion soon enough. 

He dreams that it’s Seunghoon hovering over him and nagging him for being sick. 

 

 

He wakes up again later and, even if his cheeks burns and he’s drenched in sweat, he feels definitely better. It’s a good sign that he is rather hungry, too. 

Seungyoon guesses it must be sunset already, because the sunlight bathes the room in rich yellows, casting long shadows that reach the wall facing the window. Few floors below, in the Great Hall, students must be eating their dinner. His stomach rumbles at that thought.

He struggles less than expected to sit up, despite feeling weak for not having eaten anything in the past twenty-four hours. He might even try to have dinner, hazardously betting on his two legs to walk him there, but he still needs time to wake up completely so he just rests his back on the headboard. 

After all that, after a long sigh, mulling over the mess of emotions he has inside and how that’s probably gonna change him completely – that white lie was helping him going on, but now it’s really hard to cope with such feelings – after even cursing to himself, Seungyoon looks at his right and _sees_ him, sitting on a chair next to his bed.

“Lee Seunghoon”, he whispers, almost to himself, but he knows Seunghoon heard that or guessed what he said, because he’s looking at him intently. And Seungyoon somehow feels like he’s been staring for quite a while. 

He blacks out, panicking on what he should do next, his feelings hitting him all at once, like it never happened before. Until today he wasn’t fully aware of his love, and that was enough to dampen the intensity of his emotions; like something too close to be looked at, it was always out of focus, slightly blurred, never within his reach. 

“I see the potion Madam Pomfrey gave you worked”, Seunghoon states after a while, a ghost of a smirk gracing his lips, his eyes full of that something Seungyoon has missed so much that the longing comes back harder, painful. That casual confidence, and the promptness to teasing him, and his quiet affection; all of that is there, in one glance.

Seungyoon is paralyzed. He isn’t ready to see him now, maybe never. Because it’s his friend – his best friend, Lee Seunghoon – and not someone else, it’s his fucking best friend and Seungyoon loves him, but doesn’t want that to ruin what they have between them. 

He hasn’t had the time to get ready, it’s been only few hours and he doesn’t know how to act around him. He must be still weak and sick because all he wants is to hug Seunghoon and have him close, in an open way he never had before. 

But he can’t wish for that, he can’t show too much sincerity.

So he gets angry. Because that’s the only defensive mechanism he knows.

“So you are finally speaking to me”, he attacks. 

“You were the one ignoring me”, Seunghoon doesn’t even falter, but Seungyoon can hear the hint of reproach in his words, and somehow his heart swells at that. “It wasn’t me turning to the other side when someone is asking what they want to eat for breakfast”.

“Oh please, fuck off, Lee Seunghoon, you and your need of always being right. One day someone will shut that mouth of yours and you’ll end up being as helpless as everyone is around you”.

“Oh really”.

“Yes, really”.

“Is this a threat?”

“Maybe”, Seungyoon ends up saying, not even sure of what he’s implying. He hasn’t stopped looking at him for the whole time, and there is a certain glint in Seunghoon’s eyes that tastes of trouble and mischief, the same that it’s right there when Seunghoon suggests a new plan that will probably endanger their school career, and sometimes even their wellbeing. 

Instead of replying, Seunghoon just smiles, like he knows something Seungyoon is not aware of, and that’s seriously the worst sensation in the world, because Seungyoon can be smart and strong as much as he wants, but he can never win against Seunghoon. 

Seunghoon must notice his nervousness and shrugs his shoulders, getting up suddenly. “If you’re just gonna stare, I’ll go down to eat dinner. I bet you want some food too, but if you think I’m gonna bring you some, then you’re even sillier than I thought”.

Seungyoon can’t stop the shiver running down his spine, and this is not the fever playing him another trick, this is real fear, because he thinks he remembers something and that’s not really looking favourable to his case. “You said Madam Pomfrey gave me a potion…”

Seunghoon nods, falling back on the chair to sit once more.

“But I’m sure… it was a man all the time”. _Did you worry for me to the point of going to the Hospital wing and ask her for a cure_ , he doesn’t ask. It wouldn’t be too surprising, after their precedent incidents – including broken bones and unnatural hair growths – but that’s not what worries Seungyoon.

It’s the fact that he now remembers drinking water, then forcedly downing some weird and thick liquid tasting of grass, and after that feeling hotter, to the point he wanted to get his blanket off, and someone constantly pulling the same blanket back to cover Seungyoon.

And he remembers starting insulting Seunghoon at a certain point, saying he is such a stupid friend, the worst he ever had, always putting him into trouble, always ending up fighting people even when he should have a discreet and pensive personality, being a bloody Ravenclaw… but no, Seunghoon doesn’t really fit in. 

He’s quick at reading people and between the lines, he’s probably the smartest person Seungyoon knows and the one he respects the most, and Seungyoon remembers admitting that in the end he’s not bad at all, because he _knew_ that Seungyoon needed someone like him in his life, since the first day.

And maybe Seunghoon needs him in his life too, Seungyoon continued, but that could never happen again, because he loves him and that’s gonna change everything, even if he won’t confess. Every little thing will be different, and Seungyoon will miss the times he saw Seunghoon only as a friend. But at the same time he knows for certain that he can’t live without him, so he will put up a good face and pretend it’s all the same.

A week is enough to prove that he is no good without Seunghoon, so he won’t pull him away never again.

Seunghoon stares at him, and Seungyoon knows he knows. 

His body reacts before his mind can even formulate a thought, and this is just one of the infinite firsts he has experienced this week. 

Seungyoon leaps forward, pushing his feet on the floor, his fist pointed upward, and somehow he’s hitting Seunghoon’s face. It all happens too fast, but Seunghoon catches him by his wrist, and they lose balance, enough to fall down in a mess of tangled limbs.

Seungyoon’s knee hits the floor pretty hard and he whines in pain, but that’s not much compared to when Seunghoon grabs the neck of his shirt and drags him on the floor, twisting his body to straddle him and keep him there.

“The fuck are you doing, Kang Seungyoon”, he yells, massaging his hurt cheek. There is blood at the corner of his mouth, Seungyoon must have hit harder than imagined. 

Seungyoon doesn’t really want to answer: talking would only lead to truths no one should know, if not the Mirror of Erised and himself. He grabs his tie and yanks him on the side, pushing him down with his other hand on his hip.

They haven’t fought since that first time, during first year. Seungyoon knows he can’t win against Seunghoon, even physically, but he’s too desperate to care about that. 

“Bloody idiot, you are sick!”, Seunghoon bursts but Seungyoon is already over him, and that leads to a somehow comical but quite painful sequence of yanks and slaps and even another fist hitting Seunghoon’s chest. 

“Would you… fucking… calm down”, Seunghoon pants, after having managed to stop Seungyoon, his arm hooked around his neck, so that at every hint of rebellion he can just press it against his throat. 

Seungyoon sighs, trying to break free, but Seunghoon’s arm holds him tight and he doesn’t really want to choke to death. He sighs once more, laying his head on Seunghoon’s chest, his body splayed on his, and looks at the ceiling above. The light is almost gone now and the white of the wall has turned to violet grey. 

“You know you can’t really hide anything to me”, Seunghoon whispers then, and Seungyoon’s heart skips a beat. No, he can’t do this, not now, not ever, he still needs time to completely understand his feelings and he isn’t ready to give up on them just now, especially because they are at the very basis of what he and Seunghoon have.

Seungyoon wonders when friendship became love, and if he might have stopped it just in time, just before it changed – but even a Ravenclaw knows that some things can’t be controlled only by your mind, and humans are more than just rationality. 

“I was waiting for you to see it… all this time”.

Seungyoon can’t believe the touch of relief and hope he hears in those words, so he must ask. “What?”

“That you love me”. 

_Oh, seriously_. Seungyoon must be hearing things that aren’t here, but he can almost _feel_ the smile in that short sentence, and he must see for himself. “Let me… turn around”, Seunghoon loosens his grip around his neck and Seungyoon rolls on the floor, resting on his side so that he can look at Seunghoon.

He’s beaming. His smile hides no tease, no joke, no pretence; it’s as sincere as it gets, all curves and sunshine and white teeth, and Seungyoon wishes he could see just a little more but darkness is approaching fast. 

Seungyoon wants to ask, truly wants, but he’s too overwhelmed to even speak. He just moves his hand, tentatively, hesitating whether to touch him or not, but Seunghoon grabs it and solves his doubt. 

Palm against palm, fingers intertwined, Seungyoon feels finally happy. 

“And I love you too, always did”, Seunghoon whispers in the darkness of the room, his voice gentle and soft, like he hasn’t just dropped a bomb but he’s talking about what he ate for lunch. If Seungyoon didn’t know better, he would think he’s not affected at all, but that’s Lee Seunghoon and he’s just good at faking confidence when needed.

Seungyoon takes a moment to weigh his words, despite his heart beating crazily in his chest. There is something bugging him, something that prevents him from trusting him entirely. He must ask before he’ll let this slide, before the happiness for his confession will sweep away every other suspect. “What about the girl, then? You two are together”.

Seunghoon scoffs. “Yah, Kang Seungyoon! I just conf–”, he stops himself and coughs away the embarrassment; “did it really shock you so much? That’s cute”.

“Stop teasing and tell me the truth from the very start, Lee Seunghoon”, he needs to know, for real, or his head will explode and his fever will go up again for too much stress trying to understand the enigma that is Seunghoon.

Seunghoon barely nods at that, but Seungyoon sees it anyway. “Well… I was just…”, he grips his hand harder, his palm sweaty and cold at the same time, and Seungyoon smiles at him even more, because he’s just nervous as he is. “I knew for a long time… way before, I just knew that I felt something for you that wasn’t simply friendship”.

“But you said nothing”.

“There are so many good reasons for silence, you know that”, he says and Seungyoon can’t help but agree. “I didn’t want to scare you with all of this, mostly because you have been so good at ignoring your own feelings”.

Seungyoon smiles awkwardly. He knows Seunghoon can see through him even better than himself, but he’s still surprised by how well he knows him, to the point of seeing things Seungyoon has denied for a long time. 

Seunghoon must catch up on what he’s thinking because he stifles a laugh, and right in that moment the lights switch on to show his crinkled face. “I’ve been looking at you for a long time, of course I knew. I suspected since the very beginning – I never had such a clingy friend before, you know, you were following me around–” 

“You were the one that kept me teasing all the time, I am human too, I had to react to that sooner or later”. 

“Yeah, whatever”, he smiles again and Seungyoon finds himself smiling back, this time sincerely. It’s good to be back to what they had before, even if they aren’t exactly the same – somehow it feels like a continuation, like they’re naturally catching up from where they left.

Seungyoon wants to thank Seunghoon for being just like this, and call himself stupid for worrying too much about consequences, but they’re far away from done so he nudges him to continue talking. 

“I thought you felt the same, but I wasn’t sure, I thought it was just my mind playing me tricks. You know, I’m a good judge of character, but maybe I was just _hoping_ it was mutual. But then you saw that reflection in the mirror and I realized we were just the same”.

“You knew at once?”

Seunghoon nods. “That night, while you were focusing on the mirror, I read the inscription on the frame. It’s not too hard for a focused Ravenclaw to find the truth”, he mocks him and Seungyoon just sticks his tongue out. Seunghoon’s laugh reverberates for a long while, his body shaking against the floor. 

“Knowing already how I felt helped me understand that what I saw – you and me – was just the reflection of my love, of what I wanted for us. Even if you saw the same thing, I couldn’t… I couldn’t admit it in front of you, I feared you would understand and I didn’t want to scare you, not after you covered your feelings so well, with such an effort, always acting within the common, known boundaries of friendships… I couldn’t talk”.

“We were young and I thought you just needed time… but it went on for years, nothing changed. You kept lying to yourself and maybe it was for the best, maybe I was just mistaken…”

Seungyoon is now aware of the pain that he caused to Seunghoon and he can’t help but inch closer, bringing their jointed hands against his chest. Seunghoon turns on his side, so that they’re facing each other. 

It almost hurts to look into his sincere eyes: it’s never been easy to bear the weight of his stare, in the moments of shared honesty, and now that Seungyoon knows there is yet another level of sincerity in there, he wishes this will be the last one, because at every step he makes to understand Seunghoon, his breath is taken away just another little bit. He might not survive the experience. 

Seungyoon is terribly, completely, irremediably in love. It’s scary and exhilarating and just perfect.

“I wanted to forget what I felt, I hoped that would be enough to keep everything good between us. I looked for distractions… I gave in to my needs, going against my heart… but everything was rather pointless when the person I wanted wasn’t the one I was holding in my arms”.

“Yet you went on and on”, Seungyoon whispers, not judgmental, just stating the truth. He wants to understand him, and after that bring back the smile he loves on that face. 

“What to do, humans are just like that. I kept playing around, maybe hoping you would make a move, or maybe finally pushing you to someone else’s arms. I wanted to be sure you might be happy without me – we should be friends forever, like we promised even if we never said it at loud, and that couldn’t possibly work out with these unresolved feelings”.

“But I kept being alone”, Seungyoon realizes. “I never really cared about such things, I thought it was because between study and all the things we do together… I couldn’t possibly have time for anyone else”.

Seunghoon grins, his hand squeezing Seungyoon’s, and he scoots closer, so that their legs are touching and their faces are just few inches apart. Seungyoon should worry a little more about this, maybe, but he likes it way too much, and he just lets his thumb draw circles on the back of his hand.

“And Seungwan?”, he adds.

“She knows I’m not serious and she’s ok with that, she’s a smart girl. Never underestimate her, really, even if she has the softest heart. She uses me just like I use her”.

Seungyoon nods, understanding. “You are still a bastard, somehow”.

“Don’t tell me you want to punch me again, there are other ways to vent your anger on me”, Seunghoon pouts, pointing at his lips. “You said you would shut me up”.

“I… I can’t believe you”, Seungyoon starts laughing, his body shaking with happiness and a certain satisfaction in knowing that this is actually happening. 

Seunghoon pouts more and throws a leg across his, pulling him even closer, and that’s when Seungyoon realizes that this is it, they just confessed each other what they feel, and somehow it all makes sense, in the most perfect of ways. 

His face warms up as Seunghoon frees his hand from his grasp and brushes his cheek fondly. No tease, no words, just silence and his stare speaking enough for him – Seungyoon knows what is going to happen in few seconds, and he feels like finally everything has find its rightful place. 

Naturally, like they’ve done it a thousand times, and yet again with true excitement coursing inside him, Seungyoon tilts his head and kisses Seunghoon. Their lips barely touch, really, and yet it feels already enough – this is another first for him. 

Then Seunghoon digs his fingers in his hair and moves his mouth against his, with tender desperation and hunger, and Seungyoon just melts for how good it feels. He tastes blood on his tongue.

“Your lips are parched, did you even drink enough water today”, Seunghoon nags when they part away, a little breathless.

“I didn’t even eat, you know that. It’s not really relevant right now”, Seunghoon is ready to reply back, but Seungyoon kisses him again. “So you’ll shut up”, he teases him, before being interrupted by the same method.

**Author's Note:**

> These Seungyoon and Seunghoon really made me think of Sirius and Remus (during Marauders era). All the Winner members have the same age here (that’s just easier). Also it was fun writing about Ravenclaw for a change, even if they both aren’t “perfectly” Ravenclaw. I can see Seunghoon being a little of a Slytherin in this. (Kudos to who recognize which Muggle book Seungyoon read)


End file.
